Contact Information:

Telephone: (719) 337-0217
FAX: (303) 843-6768

Mailing Address:
PO Box 4478
Englewood CO, 80155-4478

E-mail:
info@yfcmym.org

Webmaster: webmaster@yfcmym.org

Prepare early. As obvious as it may sound, unless you adopt a 20 year old, you can reasonably anticipate your child will become a teenager. You can be better prepared by being realistic about change, growing in your own parenting skills and setting out as a goal to be prepared as possible.

Don't Panic. Yes, your student's pubescence will create some situations and circumstances that you will think are unusual and possibly take you into the realm of your absolute thresholds. You may even feel like your in the, "Outer Limits" TV show and Rod Sterling will be knocking on the door any second. But in the vast majority of the instances you will not be the first, nor the last parent to encounter "weirdness" in your child's movement towards adulthood. The onset of birth and puberty represents some extraordinary change in the human psyche. Your kids' adolescence is probably going to bring on some craziness. Guess what? You both can't afford to be crazy at the same time. Don't panic, be reasonable, get help or get accountability.

Keep Growing: Several of the parenting skills used on a 7 year old, will not work on a 14 year old. The disconnect is not your teenager, it's actually the parent who needs to add some new parenting tools, try some different approaches or just grow up themselves. Here is a big, big deal, "if what you are doing is not really addressing the tension point you are having with your child, not creating dialogue or not preparing both of you for an even deeper relationship in the future at some point please make a course correction and try something new." Consistency and good modeling work with a 7 year old and they are absolutely necessary for a 15 year old. The difference is when they are 15 you actually have to work harder at "relationship."

Stay engaged: Sometimes your student will blow it, sometimes you will need a mulligan yourself. Regardless stay involved offering apologies and/or forgiveness as appropriate. It hurts; it really hurts to fail at family. The silenced dad, the depressed mother, the broken family but, "try with all your might, to let failure, not be an option." When you get to the end of yourself allow your faith to take over and let your savior speak to your heart about the deep, deep places of adolescence you took your parents too. Out of that place, most of us will arise with a new humility and commitment to persevere.

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The key is to make yourself available. If you see something that needs to be done, talk to your chaplain about what you are observing. If they see the same thing, begin a dialogue. I wouldn't jump in. Need is not enough to get through the tuff stuff. Most parents and adults who start a youth ministry ultimately get disappointed by the outcome. Why? Usually it's because they started by themselves with no help from the chaplain and other adults.

Usually asking, "Do you need help with the youth ministry?" has a fairly predictable response. Leading with dialogue, hammering out expectations, resources and outcomes doesn't sound fun, but it sure sets a good foundation for friendship and something that will last. Consider reading the section for volunteers, Chapel Volunteers Page for some additional insights.

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A lot! In the US there are about 200 military installations. Over half are collocated with youth serving organizations like Youth for Christ, Youth Life, Student Venture, Fellowship of Christian Athletes or First Priority. First step, Go look at their web page and then step two, talk to the local leadership (See related links). Just making a local Youth for Christ ministry center aware that there is a military parent or chapel interested would be encouraging to them and you may find another advocate for your own goals.

Some Para-church ministries are run by volunteers, some by paid staff. Each organization has their own core values and tends to be known for their own methods. They key however is the leadership at your location. Consider a lunch or breakfast and go meet. If you like what you hear involve your chaplain. Most chapel programs could enhance their program and benefit from a relationship with a healthy local organization of this type. You might also consider reading the Executive Director page for some of the considerations and issues that a local Para church ministry would need to be aware of and work through as they considered being a part of such an effort. Don't move too quickly, don't hire, outsource or get to excited, just look for places to connect the dots and see where mutual benefits and advantages could be realized.

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Youth ministries work because adults decide to work together to create a safe place where students can have fun in the context of faith and fellowship. Sometimes Pizza, the ultimate Food category for teens, will be involved as well. Not everyone is comfortable around a 14 year old. I know adult "warriors" who would be more comfortable facing Genghis Kahn and his hordes then spending an hour in a car with their own son or daughter That's not a put down, it's an acknowledgement of a reality that exists in some homes. Asking that same dad or mom to help out by standing on the fringes of thirty teenagers in some hope of maintaining safety and building community is not really helping. Asking that same adult to identify and develop a work project however might be just the ticket.

The best advice I could give a parent comes from some of the great parents I have seen become "ministry multipliers." The first is they offer to help in whatever capacity THEY are comfortable in. Ducks shouldn't climb trees and fish won't make great runners. Secondly, proximity will help and make teens look a lot less intimidating. Set a goal to help once a year as a starting place. Be intentional and do something! If that's only attending a parent meeting that's enough. Finally encourage the youth worker, especially if they are younger. Take them for a meal, make sure you buy. Ask about their life, their struggles. Your maturity will help you know how to help and support. A youth ministry is one more tool God is giving you as you serve the purpose of supporting your son or daughter's journey towards maturity. Whatever you do I would encourage you not to be a naysayer. Don't shoot the person trying to do something, get in there and help.

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Something a youth ministry can't do is get a kid to clean their room or become a bible scholar. That is really not the goal of a youth ministry or faith. What a youth ministry can do is to take a kid who has a messy room to Mexico and be ministered to by kids who don't have a room. It can create a weekly meeting where they bring their friends and it's OK to not be cool.

Some situations are just always going to be less predictable and even more so depending on where a youth ministry is on it's commitment between the in-reach and outreach continuum. A youth ministries distinctive is it's faith commitment within this context. At the core it should be a faith centered support system that is stimulating and engaging, where your student can participate in faith stretching opportunities with a safety net of adult relationships that walk and model their own faith in Jesus Christ.

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Here are four things all parents appreciate

- Involvement of mature volunteers (from their peer group)
- See kids lives change
- Organized calendars that demonstrate purpose and variety
- Fundraising opportunities for expensive events

All of these are great expectations, but they all come at a price. Unless there is a large paid staff, it is parents who will need to be willing or provide support to make these things happen. Often times parent expectations overwhelm resources. Calendars, large events, etc... are about adults who decide these are important for the success of the group and then pay the price to make them happen.

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